My 66 yearold Dad listens to Memphis May Fire..When I’m not around..Dad of the year award?

Are no longer enjoyable to me..Playing video games..Riding my bike..Doing crazy random shit..Bowling..Meeting new people..All of what I used to enjoy no longer has that same affect on me anymore..It’s not that I am trying to keep myself from enjoying those things..I just don’t anymore..I don’t exactly know why..Playing video games used to be the thing that I used to do most..Built up a 108 subscriber YouTube channel around my videos..I know 108 subscribers isn’t really all to much..When I finally reached 100 subscribers, I would have normally been super excited..But my heart wasn’t in it anymore..It wasn’t something that I truly enjoyed doing..Along with biking..I used to ride my bike throughout all points of the day before I retired to my room to play video games all night..Riding my bike with a few friends was just fun..But now I have zero motivation to hop on it and go out and learn new tricks..I think the major reason behind that is because I have no friends to ride with anymore..Bowling, used to be something that I really did enjoy not all to long ago..Would just randomly go out every so often and bowl for a little..But now, it’s not  even the slightest bit fun to me..I don’t know what’s happening to me..I can’t see to enjoy a single thing anymore..I sit in my room..Make perler bead art..Listen to music..Smoke cigarettes outback in the grass..Go to work if I am scheduled to work..Try and sleep..Get very minimal sleep..Spend most of my time everyday just thinking really..I wish I could stop thinking..Because thinking is what makes me break down 10+ times a day..Thinking is what destroys me from the inside out..I have always over thought everything..No matter what it was, I was always over thinking it..That has always been my major downfall..I just wish I could stop..But no matter how hard I try to distract myself, I just keep on thinking..I don’t feel anymore because of it..I’m just here..Along for the ride..Numb because of what I do to myself..At least I’m no longer afraid of getting hurt..Because no matter what happens, I don’t think I could get much lower than where I’m already at..Scratch that..I can think of a few..But they seem very unlikely to happen..*knocks on wood*..Hmm..I don’t know why I feel the need to post so much on here..I kind of like the feeling of typing I guess..Hey..It’s something that I find enjoyable..Typing out all my depressing shit on some website where other people type out their depressing shit..I guess that’s why I don’t feel all to afraid to let everything out on here..Because there are people in similar situations all over the place on this website..I just don’t think that all of them really type out a fucking short story like I do..Maybe there are a few other people on here that type out essay like posts like I do..If there are I would very much like to talk to them..See why they enjoy it..Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so insane for typing this much..I hope they don’t feel insane for typing this much..I love how I’m talking about people that I don’t even know if they truly exist..Well, I have always been a dreamer..Day dreamer more so..I like my day dreams a lot better than the dreams I have at night..Feels like I have no control over the dreams I have at night..While the dreams I have during the day time (when I’m actually awake), seem to be a little bit more controllable..Although, sometimes they run wild..Out of my control..And then they turn into worse dreams than the dreams I have at night..I wonder if anyone is even going to read this far..Probably not..Everyone will probably just scroll on by thinking, “I’m not going to read that long ass fucking thing. Waist of time”, or something along those lines..If by the off chance someone does read this far..Please, by all means, send me a message saying so..I don’t exactly know why..Just seems like it would show that someone out there, that I don’t even know, cares a little bit..Even if they only know 1/100 of the situation..I wish I had the patience to explain every last detail of the situation I’m in..All the things I think about..All of what I am feeling..But I don’t think I could ever allocate enough of my time to just sit here and type it all up..Would take such a long time..Then, right as I think I would be finished, I would feel the need to read through it to make sure that there wasn’t something that I missed..Then, more likely than not, I would find something that I missed and would feel the need to add it into the novel..Knowing me, it would probably happen around ten times or so..Well..Even though there is so much more I would like to say, I will save it for another time..Another time in which I feel like there is nothing else to do but just type..If you have gotten this far please send me a message including the following, fluffy pink walruses with diamond swords and rainbow party hats..